Forget-me-not
by Miyuki Miyazaki
Summary: all madness, lunacy and pain within a soul must all conclude back to one thing...


disclaimer: I am not Takeuchi san and therefore  
I do not own Bishojo Senshi Sailormoon or any  
character's affiliated with the series. My  
name is not Bandai and therefore I do not eat  
childrens souls ^_^  
  
  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*Forget-me-not*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
Prolouge: Kyoki *^*^*^* madness  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*  
  
  
  
Surrender your life to death my child  
become the silent scream   
  
*Maybe*  
*Never*  
*No*  
*Don't pity me*  
*who are you*  
*hold my hands*  
*cold cold*  
*see my eyes*  
*blind blind*  
*touch my soul*  
*souless soul*  
*bang bang you're dead*  
*Who stuck the bullet in her head*  
  
I did it, didn't I? charming child  
See? fate eventually destroys all  
Well my Angel, time to fall   
  
*It's my fault*  
*It's my fault*  
*It's my fault*  
*It's my fault*   
  
Yes my dear, It is, It was.....  
  
  
What was dead inside her? What part of her was rotting away like   
meat does in your stomach? She wondered if her soul had been   
dipped in a vat of steaming hot acid, as though it was painfully   
melting away infront of her eternal eyes.   
And what would be left of her afterwards but a little shell  
of a body? A little shrivelled shell that had once been the   
temporary home for her being, left to rot back into the elements   
from which it came...  
  
the sky, the earth, the sea, the stars.   
  
She didn't like these thoughts but what was she to do? It was all   
her mind was willing to think about while she lie fretfully awake,   
while she screamed murder in her dreams, and anything else in-  
between. She was caught in the middle of an horrific spiderweb of   
a dream at the moment. A sad, lonely, blood filled dream.   
The only kind she knew about, the only kind she could possibly   
understand.   
  
This undefinable pain had become part of her over the years,  
she had almost learnt to live with it and tried to comprehend   
how it made her speical, she even understood now she unintentionally  
nurtured it the way a mother instintivly raises a child.  
None of this was because of the way she was,  
This was because of who she was.  
Who she was born to be.  
  
This last thought gripped her body, her dreams turned colder with   
each breath which seemed to turn into an icy poison the moment   
it seeped into her veins.   
Was she dying? no, she would never be allowed that escape unlike  
most spirits she intertwined her life with. Death held a final   
certainty to them, an end of one of many journeys.  
Still, death was one subject that held a facination to her and   
although never to truly experience it she would eternally understand   
more about it than any other soul ever to exist, this sweet messiah   
of death, little child trapped in night.   
  
caught in an conflict between her concious and duty the girl tensed  
up tight in her bed. Such troubles filled her expressions you could   
almost believe she was reliving the murder of billions of souls again   
and again in her sleep...   
and you wouldn't be entirely wrong,   
  
an eternal song plauged her lips  
  
*just as day falls into night*  
*Light will fall into shadow*  
*We that live must surely die*  
*My emotions running cold*  
  
an eternal song she couldn't escape from  
  
The chambers she resided in were beautiful, her bedroom paticulary  
so. Her bed was the centrepeice in a vast deathly white marbled room,   
her beautiful golden framed bed, set up on a black marble diaz,   
always seemed to swollow up like a dragon, her fragile body.   
The thin, white lace drapes attached to the far off ceiling delicatly  
hung around her like a protective waterfall began to dance in an   
encroaching breeze.  
6 ornate Roman marble pillars lined up in pairs like giant soldier's  
helping with warrior like might to support the massive weight   
of the crystal palace she lived in. Their trunks decorated in   
beautiful carvings or ancient myths and legends the girl knew not   
to be entirely fiction, tales of princess's of life and dreams   
many forgotten years ago.  
A huge hearth to the south of her bed was usually the glowing heart  
of the room, she would often ignite the flames of the coal fire not  
for the heat, or rather lack of heat it produced (nothing it seemed,  
not even if the palace was to burn down to it's foundations would  
ever warm her room) but for the brillant illumination it provided,   
the mantle peice adorned with her lamps all turned on to their  
full brilliance proved to be one of the final lights in her world  
yet even the protective glow of the flames and bulbs was dead   
tonight.  
To the East of the gilded bed was the entrance to the rest of her  
chambers, the entrance that led into this, her sleeping quarters.  
An imposing white marble door as heavy as stone and just as difficult  
to move as a giant rock, yet somehow the fragile child managed to do  
so morning and night.   
The black stone marble floor stretched like a sea throughout her   
entire quarters, it seemed almost liquid, reflecting all objects   
and light that touched it. Her footsteps would echo everytime they  
struck the ground so you could hear an approaching intruder a good  
few moments before you saw their face.  
This room was her santuary, her last stronghold of comfort.   
It would be a beautiful place to die.  
  
Shivering again for the hundreth time that night the girls hands  
clasped together tight, her lips whispered misunderstood words  
solenmly almost as if in prayer.  
Her tiny, pale frame was shrouded in a thin golden sheet barely   
protecting her body from the icy depths of her room.  
she normally enjoyed the cool, refreshing retreat of her chambers,  
a stark contrast to the rest of her surroundings, she did not care   
for heat. Yet tonight the unatural temprature indicated a message  
that was all too clear to the world weary soul in the rediculous   
golden bed, the room was filled with unhappy ghosts and spirits   
of the past.   
  
It had been over a hundred years since the death of Ikuko san,  
even Serenity, her beloved queen had eventually come to accept  
her birth Mother's death over the years filled with tears,   
time has a strange way of making one forget the grief hidden deep  
in your heart.   
Most children must witness the death of their parent's, first one   
then the other, but for the Sailor Senshi there was even more   
certainty placed on the tragic event arriving seemingly all too soon.   
She felt sure Serenity must still mourn for her mother in the  
quieter, darker moment's of the night. Her dreams must sometimes   
be full of her, Ikuko's warmth, Ikuko's smiles, Ikuko's love and  
the tragic circumstances of her death...  
  
A grimace crossed her face, and eyes flew wide awake, the dream lost  
to her the instant her conciousness took over her body, yet the thoughts  
were still the same, they always were, and they all traced back to one  
person caught up in that deathly event.   
Ikuko, the last of the Mother's was dead, why couldn't she accept this?  
The woman was long turned to ash, forgotten in the centuries by most,   
so why couldn't she forget her? What was it about this beautiful   
Ikuko that haunted her so much?   
  
The girl looked around her surroundings in sleepy puzzlement, the   
familiarity of her room had changed into disorientation for a  
moment, she couldn't even remember her own name, she could only   
tune into her bodys basic needs which right now told her she was in  
need of water.   
Rising naked from the bed she stumbled across the mirror like   
floor, dragging her light golden sheet behide her, she felt possessed,   
hardly in control of her mind, letting animal instincts take over.  
This way she could almost forget what pained her and the   
responsibility she was cursed with. It was dangerous though, roaming  
about in the night without your wits about you, espeically when your  
powers were more frightening than most could comprehend,  
you never know what could posess your body.   
  
A menacing breeze flowed through the room making her blood run colder   
still. She drew the golden blanket round her thin shoulders, thirst   
still raging in her dry throat.   
Her quest for water drew her towards her beautiful stain glass window   
that led out to a broad balcony. A storm was raging outside, rain   
cascaded out of the angry clouds like a stormy ocean  
  
rain...  
she needed to touch it, without it she would die  
  
She pressed her right hand against the window gently, her fingers  
traced down the trickles on the outside of the pane delicatly till  
her fingertips brushed against the catch.  
She did not stop to think what she was doing  
  
She needed the rain, without it she would die   
  
The storm was tearing at the city like a lover in a jealous rage,  
battering buildings as if they were furniture, breaking up some  
of the flimsier structures as if they were fine porcelein.   
For all of Serenity's power, nothing could crontrol the natural  
weather, nor what this child was about to do.  
  
*touch the rain*  
*touch the rain*  
*touch the rain*  
*touch the rain*  
  
"I don't understand!" she screamed throwing her windows open,   
letting the catasrophic force of nature invade her santuary,  
she stood there, holding onto the two seperate window panes for   
dear life, her hair a whirlwind of a mess in the tempest.   
Her body was drenched in the sea of rain battering against her,   
the rain she had cried for had come to her.  
  
*feel the wind*  
*feel the wind*  
*feel the wind*  
*feel the wind*  
  
"I don't understand!" she screamed a second time gales tearing   
through her room, shattering the crystal chandelier's adorning   
her high ceiling, her precious lamps toppled from there perches,   
smashing as one by one they fell to the hard marble floor.   
The window frames she held tightly in her hands escaped her grasp,   
the beautiful patterned glass shattered as the frame angrily hit   
the wall, she made no sound as shards of the colourful glass wildly   
flew through the air cutting her deeply, blood flowed down her pale  
skin.  
  
As invinsible as her eternal soul was, her body was still mortal.  
  
She pushed against the wind with startling strength, fighting her  
way onto the marble balcony, leaving snake trails of blood behide her.  
The storm had tempted her out here, it wanted a battle,   
but for what purpose?  
"Who are you?" she questioned it softly, fear barely crossing her   
mind. She felt as though she had been prepearing for this   
confrontation for a long time.  
  
*find me*  
*find me*  
*find me*  
*find me*  
  
The girl fought her way slowly to the edge of the balcony feeling  
herself grow weaker with every strained step. Would she finally die   
out here? She frowned as she caught her inner voice barely  
whispering "I hope so".  
The chest high wall prevented her from falling off the edge into   
the depths of the crystal palace grounds, a fall so high it would  
surely kill even a Sailor soldier. Death would be momentary though,  
this she knew more than the certainty of weather the fall would  
kill her or not. As soon as her brains were spilt onto the crystal   
floor below, somewhere on the planet fate would plan for a new   
spark of life to flourish in a young womens womb, that tiny little  
life would be her's and the cycle of rebirth would begin it's   
eternal circle again.  
The senshi were never truly allowed to savour death for a few   
hundred years or so like most people, that time of reprive was  
for the soul to rest, to savour and reflect the lessons learnt  
in the past life and to contenplate the start of a new one.  
That 1000 years of rest for the princess's souls had truly been  
a blessing to her never to happen again. A time of peace she   
never wanted to forget.  
  
*embrace me*  
*embrace me*   
*embrace me*  
*embrace me*   
  
Peering over the edge she gazed into the city below and watched  
with indifference as the storm tore over her home, casting it's  
terrible destruction with the full force of the gods. She felt as  
though she wouldn't care if the ocean it's self would wash away  
the crystal paradise and all it stood for.  
pulling herself higher up onto the wall so her feet left the ground   
and her body hung further over the ledge, she was teetering   
dangerously, mentally on the brink of life and death.  
It would be so easy just to let herself go...  
But her bleak thoughts snapped as her mind momentarily took back  
over, something had to finally break tonight and she didn't want it  
to be her bones.  
"no, no, no..... I can't" she reasoned "what could make me think I   
want to do this?"  
shakily pushing herself back from the brink, she fell to her knees  
on the hard balcony floor her naked back pressed hard against  
the wall.  
  
She screamed   
  
Her expression turned to fright as the storm lashed back  
it's final revengance...   
  
It had turned full force upon her...   
  
it wanted to destroy her.   
  
the wind seemed to be trying to rip her pain filled   
soul away from her body.  
  
"please..." she gasped, feeling the life slowly drain away from her  
limbs "what do you want from me?... I don't understand"  
  
*one two buckle my shoe*  
*three four knock at the door*  
*five six pick up sticks*  
*seven eight close the gate*  
*nine ten go home again*  
*number eleven go to heaven*   
  
She crouched herself tight into a small ball, her eyes closing as the  
last ounce of her energy was taken away.   
She felt as though she was caught in a dream, in reality she was  
trapped halfway between life and death, ruin and rebirth was prepearing  
to circle round once again. In that final moment she understood exactly  
who this presence was and the purpose of her death would serve.   
She tried to utter the storms name, but no sound escaped her lips.  
  
"Where are you?" A women's voice cried peircingly into the night, the  
distress in her voice rang clear as a bell, a diaphonous shilloutte  
filling the window, the shadow cast onto the balcony.  
The storm somehow deteteriorated in an instant, the spell broken the   
second the womens flurried footsteps echoed onto the marble floor.  
The city looked as if the storm of biblical proportions had never struck  
That night, the only thing raging was mesmerising dusting of stars and   
the beloved moon in the skies above, what could possibly marr this  
beautiful night but the horror of a girls blood ridden  
body lying limply on the floor.  
  
The Women hadn't even caught sight of her form to begin with, Her eyes   
were too clouded by forming tears to see properly even on a full moonlit  
world such as this.  
She only noticed the tiny body when her naked foot had touched a naked   
hand resting lifelessly in the shadows of the marble wall,   
  
Hand joined to arm  
Arm joined to body  
Body joined to...  
  
pale fingers flew up to the womens mouth, she drew a sharp gasp of   
horror at the picture before her.  
".... no...."   
  
Kaioh Michiru fell to the ground before Tom'oe Hotaru's body, reaching  
for her hand she confirmed her worse fear, her pale skin was stone cold  
"oh" she mumured repeating the word in an overwhelming sense of grief.  
moving to cradle the younger females head, her warm tears fell onto Hotaru's  
frozen cheeks.  
Her hands stroked the top of the girls neck, she searched desperately for   
that reassuring beat which she thankfully found, blood still pumped gently   
through delicate veins.   
Realising life still flickered beneath the young girls skin Michiru smiled   
through tears which were quick to dry, she hadn't been to late to save her  
troubled "daughter" after all.  
  
Hotaru's eyes slowly opened, she felt as if her body had broken like a china  
doll and painfully glued back together again, fragment by fragment.  
She caught sight of Michiru's beautiful face trapped in happiness above her,   
she tried to recipricate her emotions but had to wince in pain instead  
"oh...Michiru" she sighed, her voice hoarse and dry. Michiru planted   
a gentle kiss on her nose and hushed the child softly, her presence   
reassuring her daughter like a calm ocean at dawn.  
"Shh little darling, please save your strength" she stroked her tangled  
hair with all the love and attention of an adoring young mother.  
"I was just sleeping" the girl barely whispered, eyes fluttering in her  
drained state, dreams threatening to claim her once more.  
Her head sank deeper into Michiru's silk covered lap, she sighed softly  
half out of contentment half out of exhaustion  
  
Michiru wished with all her heart that this was true, that they were all  
"just asleep". That Hotaru's nightmarish attacks would fade once they   
all woke up.  
This wasn't the first time this had happened, that Hotaru had either tried  
to kill or be killed in her sleep. Her mental state had detiorated long ago  
in the years past, a demon tore at her soul leaving this fragile broken yet  
absolutley deadly child as a shadow of her former self. This demon which   
had left Hotaru half dead before Michiru's feet barely seconds ago.   
The young woman would often feel the need to fall onto her knee's and pray  
for the girl yet she did not know who to make her plea's to. If Neo Queen  
Serenity couldn't heal her with the powers that could restore an entire   
planet, what kind of mythical entity could?   
no one knew what was causing this feverish delerium that had stolen their   
once bright and happy child, she and her fellow soldier's had vowed to watch  
love and shelter the youngest in their ranks yet it was proving to be an  
impossible task to save the messiah of silence from herself.   
  
"Your dreams flew out of control again" The women's beautiful smile was  
deceptive, hiding the immesurable pain deep in her eyes. The nightmare  
of watching this young creature before her worsen just that little step   
further every hour was growing too much to bear.  
If only the source of this mental cancer was traceable, possibly, one day,  
maybe it would be. Till then she was forced to cling to hope, prayer and   
dreams which may never come true   
  
Her Eyes flew wide awake once more, glowing in a hate filled hollow  
emptiness. A shot of adreinlalin kicked Michiru in her heart spreading  
to her limbs in a paralyzing wave. What was going to happen now? What  
ever it was she would be ready for it.   
Hotaru's haunting eyes simply darted in the frightened suspision of  
a criminal trapped in a prison   
"What happened to the storm?" her voice strained through the night,  
Her body tense in defense, waiting for another onslaught from the   
sickening winds. Maybe this time it would kill Michiru too, she prayed it  
wouldn't, her carer had everything to live for.   
Hotaru felt jealous.   
  
The young women looked puzzled yet relaxed her hold on the girl   
slightly...   
  
so the demon came in the shape of a typhoon this time.   
  
"There was no storm," She reassured her gently, stroking  
her pale face which didn't hold a hint of colour in her cheeks,  
"you were dreaming, I heard your pain in your dreams so I found you"   
The dark haired girl in her lap relaxed once more, allowing sleep   
to wash over her, she was exhausted from her earlier fight  
with her imagination.   
"It was her again," she mumbled "that girl with the silent eyes"   
The Aqua haired beauty kissed her forehead tenderly at words  
she had heard a thousand times before, she responded with  
her usual answer   
"shh... I know, my dear, I know"   
  
deceptivly stronger than her apperance would suggest, Michiru  
lifted the smaller girl into her arms and carried her back  
into the room, placing her into the bed she was sharing  
with her that night. Usually she had Haruka there to help her,  
ever since Hotaru's demise into failing health the two had  
taken it upon themselves to care for the child they had raised  
along with Setsuna so long ago.   
With her lover there to support her the pair had managed to soothe  
the younger girls pain slightly, and of course keep an eye on  
her more efficiantly. But Haruka would not be here for the  
next few months and responsibility for Hotaru had fell soley  
on Michiru.  
  
She sat gracefully an ornate chair next to the bed.  
Even in the most adverse, testing circumstances Michiru always  
looked enchantingly beautiful.   
She gazed at the child in the big golden bed who finally wore  
a peaceful expression on her tired face. The dried blood and cuts  
would have to be cleaned up tomorrow, they mostly looked to be  
superfical flesh wounds. Michiru looked around the immaculatly  
clean room. Hotaru had thrown off her nightdress while caught up  
in her madness again, she was just about to wonder why her child  
did that when a soft light caught her attention. the switched off  
lamps and Crystal chandelier sparkled gently in the moonlight,   
a moonlit night so strong the colours from the stain glass window  
reflected perfectly on the floor, covering the black marble with  
a vision of an angelic scene.  
Michiru's face took on a slight look of puzzlement again,  
how in Serenity's name did the child cut herself in such  
an intricate way? nothing around Hotaru could have caused  
such precise cuts.   
she had all night to contemplate it as she waited for dawn  
to come. In the morning Mizuno Ami would come to check her  
patient, until then Michiru could only hope and pray the  
rest of the night remained calm as she watched the girl  
finally sleep in peace.   
  
Beautiful Michiru, her empathic principles dominated her,  
Beautiful Michiru, so like the mother she tried not to forget  
Beautiful Michiru, It was suprising she couldn't sense three  
names inprinted on the pretty girl's soul...  
  
Ikuko, the child...  
Keiko, the light...  
Saturn, the darkness...  
  
  
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*   
  
  
This cannot be, this awful tragedy I've seen inside  
my head   
but what instead could my future bring if not deaths  
silent screams  
Who is the girl calling out to me  
her light is bright but soul is so cold  
who am I to question what i'm always told  
of lasting lives  
silent lives  
Am I the nightmares child?  
There's a part of me longing to be set free  
I'd fly so high into the dying sky  
The stars are crying they know too well what's begun  
yet I'm not afraid and when the final stand comes  
I will pray only for love  
  
The storm begins before  
The battle cry of war  
I must learn to free   
This secret part of me   
  
awaken the one called Saturn within you  
my child...  
  
  
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Notes: wow, you muddled you way through that whole  
mess of writing, I appreciate it very much! ^_^  
Seems a bit disjointed? sorry I don't mean it to  
be but I'm a disjointed girl   
(figurativly and literally believe me) ^_^  
But please stick with it, I'll try to make sense  
one fine day...  
  
My spelling and grammer is BRITISH not American  
although i'm not sure weather there is a   
difference in grammer, everyone knows certain   
words are spelled differently ^_^  
But still there are bound to be mistakes some  
where along the line, please notify me where   
they are ^_^  
  
chapter one, "yukai suru", will be up shortly.   
  
thank you for you patience in reading this little   
note...  
  
Miyuki *^*x*^*   
  
shojo_angel@hotmail.com 


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